On Smiling

The difference between smiling at someone and smiling for someone is pretty profound. I’m sure you’ve all noticed that the smile you use for the cashier at the grocery store, and the one you use for your friend or your dog are two entirely different creatures (unless the cashier at the grocery store is your friend). 

Despite all the corny children’s songs that make one want to stand in a corner and frown at a wall, smiles really are understandable everywhere and it’s amazing how powerful or unnoticeable they can be depending on how they’re used. 

One of the things I’ve been trying to remind myself to do lately is smile for people, for that one person you're talking to and only her or him, rather than at them. It’s incredibly difficult and I’m not sure why. I don’t consider myself a “shy” person, not anymore, but even looking a bank teller or cashier, or hell even someone I’m fairly close to in the eye and smiling happily and sincerely, (rather than giving them the perfunctory mouth-only smile) is something that I frequently have to make a conscious effort to do. Why is this? I’m not an unhappy person, far from it, and my attitude towards everyone else is pretty positive as well, generally speaking.

 I believe frequently, in my case at least, it’s pure laziness and apathy. Some part of me is afraid that if I really smile at someone they’ll want to strike up a conversation and I’ll get stuck in an awkward half-conversation with a stranger. To be fair to myself, I have had some bizarre and unpleasant encounters with strangers on city busses so that has led me to treat my facial expressions out in public with some caution. But really, if it’s a town I know well with people just doing their job and helping me out why should I be afraid to have a brief conversation with them? I don’t know. I could learn something interesting or discover a great networking opportunity, or even *gasp* make a new friend, and even if it does go badly I’ll learn from it and know to avoid that particular person in future. I think true smiles are one of the things that the modern way of life is having a detrimental effect on, by that I mean the whole look out for number one/don't trust strangers, ever, thing. It goes too far much of the time.

So I’ll keep working on it, as the children's songs tell us, “everyone smiles in the same language” and “you can give them free ‘cause you’ve got so many.” So why not make the ticket collector, or your grandmother or your librarian's day a little bit cheerier?