Department Store Chicken

Considering everything that happened this week in the news I thought it would be appropriate if I addressed it in this blog.


*So I think I'll write about shopping. Namely, how bad I am at it.

It's like this... If I walk into a department store I'm immediately so overwhelmed by choices that I feel like a chicken that has, for one reason or another, been **brought (alive) into a human house. The lights seem so bright, there's this odd humming sound in the air, and every time someone sees me looking shaken up and terrified in the corner they come over, talk to me comfortingly, and point me in the right direction. That is, towards the pile of grain, or rather clothing, in the middle of the room.

I then wander over to the display, clucking despairingly to myself, or, if anyone is so unfortunate as to be accompanying me, I fix them with my beady eye and see what they think about things. (Anyone I go shopping with will almost ***always rank above me in the shoppers' pecking order). Trying on clothes is an ordeal. I'm apt to get stuck trying to figure out a bizarre new piece of fashion and have to ****squawk for help whilst flapping my arms in panic before someone helps me figure things out.

While I have managed to make a few worthwhile purchases, and while I try to pick up tips from those who do know what they're doing (and I'm eternally grateful for their existence) I'm probably better off at the local church basement in my comfort zone, rummaging happily through piles of discarded raiment with a paper bag at my side.

This was neither educational, nor uplifting, but I hope you enjoyed it.





*But really, if you haven't seen the video where Obama roasts Trump, DO IT.

**This may seem like a strange analogy to some, but this situation has occurred in my house, pile of grain included, more than one would expect. Good party entertainment.

***With the exception of probably about 50% of the male popluation

****It's a bit of an exaggeration, but I have gotten stuck in dresses before (who hasn't?) Zippers are tricky beasts when you can't see them.