Life among the aliens

I was recently delighted to learn that I'm no longer considered to be exclusively human. This will come as no surprise to  people who know me well, but the scientific evidence was lacking before. It turns out that I'm part Neanderthal, and bit of another hominid called Denisovan, and probably multitudes of other extinct species as well. This has been discovered through examining fossil DNA, and comparing it to modern human DNA. I think it's great. For quite some time I have quietly lamented the fact that I would never be able to meet a Neanderthal personally. The thought that another hominid species so similar to my own, and yet different enough to be, well, alien, as much as I to them, at one time walked this very planet -- it's so exciting to find out that they're still here! Because Homo Sapiens, so remarkable for their sexual propensity to mate with just about anybody, managed to bring these other concurrent species into our fold, they are not entirely lost to time and history after all. It gives a whole new meaning to that warm, fuzzy feeling.
      Besides, while many children long to find out that they were adopted, maybe found on a doorstep or spirited from their true parents (the rightful king and queen Whatsit) and placed in foster care for their own safety, only to one day be discovered to be the rightful heir to the ancient kingdom of Whatsit which now, desperate and failing under a decrepit stewardship, awaits their restoration and this sentence is really getting too long, isn't it? So, what I really wanted to happen to me was to one day be informed that I was, in fact, an alien. This would be discovered when I went to the doctor's for a checkup and was found to have two hearts or something. That, and my ability to levitate heavy objects and evaporate the bully boys who always wasted me in dodgeball. And somewhere, somehow my spaceship was waiting to descend into the back yard and set down under the big maple. And my real family would disembark and confer with my adopted parents and congratulate them on a job well done but, alas, it's time for Steve to return to his rightful place amongst his true people and by the way his name's not really Steve, but you probably couldn't pronounce it anyway because it's got this little consonant thingy in it which we write with a little glowing dot sort of thing which is common on our home world. Umm... He'll still visit, of course. Would you like to tour the ship before we go?
      I would have, too. Just because I'm an alien, it doesn't mean I lack empathy. I might be telepathic, too.
      Here's something else:  I think I read somewhere that Neanderthals had bagpipes. Did anybody else hear anything about that? Really bears pondering, doesn't it?